Alis Pie

• 2011-04-10

  

  Here is an otter

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  Here is a fox

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  Here is some sky

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  The moments before the lesson/life affirming scene

  The older I get the less I write. This confuses me no end, because the older I get, the more I have to write about.  My every diminishing return on my once favoured past time does cause me no end of contemplation. I would like to do more, no really. I tell myself at least once a week that it would be good to write, but I still don’t do it. How often can I write about not writing? Once a year maybe, twice at most?

  I have been thinking a lot about that bit in American films where the day is dawning, the bit before a big ‘home game’ or some other sporting event that is of maximum importance to the entire film, where the hero (anti or otherwise) learns their big life changing lesson. I have been thinking about that shot where the sun is rising over the grass as a sprinkle goes off and maybe there is someone on the radio talking about how ‘the big day is here’. I like those bits in American films (normally but not exclusively teen films), I like them a lot. If I could live out that bit over and over again, I would. It is the calm before the storm, the moment of anticipation, the moment before the lesson.  Those bits are good, I like those bits, or at least I like how a film makes me feel in those bits.  Imagine if that was life, the dawn. The rising and the waking minus the doing and the dusk. Mark you* I like the dusk too, then you have achieved and you can watch the sky become all pink and orange (if you’re lucky)

  I am currently overwhelmed by the speed at which my life is passing me by without any apparently significant moments.  At the age of 34 I assumed that I would be, well, either a parent, travelling the world in some sort of high flying way or other. There are many questions on my part, about failure and direction, none of which I can answer or resolve, but still it is worth perusing, I suppose. Or is it? Who knows. Someone probably, but not me. I can waste whole days doing not much at all except for reading some stuff and looking at some stuff and eating some stuff and not drinking enough water stuff. My cat seems to do this all day too,** without too much contemplation or self analysis, so basically I spend a lot of time being cat like. I presume this is not a good thing but my lethargy at present prevents me from seeing the pitfalls. That’s not true of course, I went to a talk the other day where two people spoke about their projects, one being this http://www.pepysdiary.com/ and the other being this http://spacelog.org/ and I can see quite clearly that motivation is paramount to getting good stuff done.

  So, if anyone has any idea about how I begin to motivate myself, please send your answers on a postcard, or email me or think about emailing me and then don’t do it because, well, maybe you can’t be bothered, or I’ve bored you to sleep or you’re too busy doing your own things and stuff. Either way, I need to stop the lethargy and get cracking with something soon, before another year passes and I write another blog about not writing and well, the inevitable happens and I wake up at 65 with only 12 blog posts to my (not real) blog name.

  * My Granddad always used to say ‘mark you’ instead of ‘mind you’ I wrote mind you but then changed it in his honour as he passed away in December last year and I made a promise to keep alive two of his sayings, ‘mark you’ and ‘hark at those birds, dogs, kids, the wind (insert any sound that would warrant a hark)

  ** My cat does not read things, she is not a super cat, although she is pretty lovely

• 2010-01-18

  The Jansen doing stuff

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  2010 the shining beacon

  It has to be said – I am not a serial blogger, an ethereal blogger maybe, and most definitely not the best at keeping up to date. But as 2010 dawns like a shining beacon of renewal I made a little note to myself to do a bit more writing of stuff. A dear friend keeps telling me to do more and last year I kept telling myself I would, but I didn’t. I had other things to contend with, like falling in love, which is pretty bloody awesome, and gentle and kind and overpowering and sweet, and sometimes, if I’m honest, feels a bit like I am climbing a really massive mountain with the top obscured by clouds (that obscured by clouds reference is just me making an attempt at saying that I am not always entirely sure what I am aiming for but I keep going anyway because who ever knows exactly what is going to happen, no-one, that’s who) It’s a funny thing love, such an overused and often exaggerated thing. It’s just a word, one little word. Eskimo’s have 50 different words for love. That is a lot of different kinds of love right there, waiting to be experienced.

  I have made gentle resolutions to myself - Being kind is nice, and fixing things and doing things. So that is the plan for 2010. Being nice, fixing things and doing things.

  Here follows a link of someone that is pretty good at doing things and fixing things.

• 2008-11-09

  Why?

  Why I haven’t written here for a while, I have no idea? It is not that my life has become any less relevant virtually, it is perhaps that I have become lazy. Changes are afoot for me, a move, and stuff. The Wire has finished, well it finished for me a while ago, I spent last winter watching it and have struggled to find something to fill the gap. I have considered re-watching it, I will consider this a bit more until someone tells me it is stupid. I saw someone buying all the boxsets in HMV the other day and was very jealous of the joy she had to come. Perhaps I could do that thing like in Eternal Sunshine and erase that I had ever seen itfrom my memory. Is that more or less ridiculous than re-watching? Depends who determines the ridiculous I suppose.

  I am off to Manchester now on a plane in the wind. I do hate to fly. Especially for work. Flying for holiday is bearable because I at least want to get where I am going.

  Anyway anyway. Change is good, as good as a rest apperently (not true I would think, a rest is one of the best things ever. Rest = eating, sleeping, reading, walking. Which in turn means no pressure to do anything other than nice things, things to nourish the soul. Change = packing boxes, cleaning, stopping all bills and getting new bills, paying stupid money for stupid deposits, and other things that are no way as good as resting on any level)

  See you all on the other side of my Manchester trip where I promise to be full of the joys of autumn.

  Here is a quote from David Lynch which I like a lot

  “Once I saw a row of sheep being slaughtered and they all looked basically the same, one sheep after another, and I’m sure there’s beings that look at all of us and we’re pretty much basically the same but when you put a name to them they kind of separate out and it’s true, you could look at a bee named ‘Riley’ and the bee would take on a certain character. A bee named ‘Bob’ would suddenly be unique.”

• 2008-08-14

  

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  Stingray, stingray der der der der der der.

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  Sweet lima love